Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
