i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
