omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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