Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
