Someone shit on the floor
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
