I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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