omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
You are a genius and a whore.
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