wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
