I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
