she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
