I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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