the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i love accidental penises.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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