forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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