the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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