I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
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her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
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Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations