saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.