dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.