Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.