if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just found puke in my bra..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
