I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pants are for mortals
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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