Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cockslap morals
I need to stop coming to work sober
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
