I am puke
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
its not stalking. its research.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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