Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
