Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
