Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
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Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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