Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
