He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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