Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
