I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
