so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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