his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
