The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
