I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
