it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
