he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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