You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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