how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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