when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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