new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
