hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
