cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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