i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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