you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
