Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
