I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.