im six kinds of drunk right now
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
