Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
