Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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