i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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