dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress