how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
reminds me of losing my job
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow