i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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