well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
