I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
