This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
