this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
