I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
