Already got asked if we're dating
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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