this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
