He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
