This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
