So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
