If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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