I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
