my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
