You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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