i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
