Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
