Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
