she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
