I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
