Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Drunk is not a location!
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