Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
