I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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