so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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