I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
