OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
