How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
