just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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