I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
