I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
