so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
