My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
