Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize