why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
