she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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