the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
