trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
