I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
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So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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